MARCH 27, 2020
KARO-NA! The Toilet Paper War
In this war like situation, people have another reason to draw battle lines. Toilet paper is the new gold! To fight this battle, supermarkets are the fields and ordinary people are the warriors.
Fight over toilet paper? What the hell!
Being an Indian (I can generalize for all Asians), I cannot fathom toilet paper being an item of subsistence. We have never used toilet paper as we believe in wet hygiene. Barring certain exceptions, no Indian household (I mean washrooms) has the pin to hold toilet paper rolls. My grandmother cannot even relate to the very idea of toilet paper. It is an alien concept, as Asian societies have different ways of staying clean. However, over a period of time shit cleaning has gone innovative. Who doesn’t know Japanese high-tech toilet seats with various spray nozzles: one for warm water, another for cold water with a mechanism to change direction of the spray. And how can one miss the massagers installed in toilet seats. The Japanese paranoia for hygiene is well known in the world. Who would invest in toilet seats like the Japanese?
Europe actually is doing it! Rich middle eastern tourists are most sought after by luxurious hospitality chains. Galeries Lafayette, the biggest French luxury brand selling store, was the first one to introduce toilets with hand showers in spite of the fact that the French do not want to dirty their hands with anything. Literally! Today, every fancy place in the French Riviera has installed two ways of cleaning - paper and hand showers. This is the power of economics. One small change and Europe is a new destination for rich Arab sheikhs, who earlier were distraught with the idea of traveling to Europe.
How relevant (irrelevant) is this topic in today’s time? Super relevant! Two-thirds of the world are locked down in their homes and one can imagine the immense utility of toilet paper. The image of Australian women fighting over a piece of toilet paper is pervasive all over the net and YouTube has decided to pay $10 per hit to Coles and Woolworths. These supermarket chains have now rationed this precious commodity and one person can buy only 2 packs a day. After the fight over toilet paper, Australian Prime Minister, Scott Morrison had to assuage people’s fears with the assurance that Australia has enough stock. Please do not panic! I am sure toilet paper will get listed on commodity exchanges around the world soon.
A television show host Johnny Carson in December 1973 while hosting a show called “The Tonight Show”, joked and said “there is an acute shortage of toilet paper.” This broadcast sent America into a mass panic and shelves got empty. So, this precious commodity was always gold to mankind, who knew its worth. You can imagine the popularity of this new gold by noting that the best German bakery in Dortmund is selling toilet paper shaped cakes and such cakes are hit among Germans. I am not sure if this is the reason for Germany’s excellent management of the COVID-19 situation.
But alas! We have lost the chance to see toilet paper in an Asterix or Tintin comic book as Albert Derzo died this Wednesday. Albert Derzo, we will miss you and the “Tales of Toilet Paper” that could have been.
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